2023 dating guide: Finding love in Singapore

A close expat friend of mine found herself caught in the twists and turns of the challenging Singapore dating scene. Despite her best efforts, meaningful connections seemed to elude her. The usual reasons creep in. ‘The best is already taken’, ‘It’s me, not you’, ‘Singapore’s too small to date’. Each disappointment weighed heavily on her heart. Frankly speaking, dating in Singapore is not easy and this is just one of few cases I’m aware of. Today, we’ll examine dating in Singapore including comparisons versus Hong Kong, casual dating and societal expectations. I’d preface - I’m no expert and nor am I experienced in this dating space. Let’s get started.

Hong Kong and Singapore, two dynamic and cosmopolitan cities in Asia, offer unique dating experiences shaped by similar societal norms and cultural backgrounds. However, you don’t hear people complaining that ‘HK is boring’ when it comes to dating. Why’s that the case?

Comparing both countries -

• Cultural Background: Singapore is a multicultural society with influences from Chinese, Malay, Indian, and Western cultures. Hong Kong has a predominantly Chinese cultural background with Western influences. It’s much easier to find a mainland Chinese person to date in Hong Kong versus Singapore, whilst it’s much easier to find a Malay to date in Singapore versus Hong Kong. Both countries have expats so that’s one similarity.
• Casual dating is more common in Hong Kong: Because of the BTO housing system in Singapore, Singaporeans tend to get married earlier than Hong Kongers. This not only reduces the dating population in Singapore, but also means that dating is a little more serious. The exception to this is generally expats alongside a growing number of young adults.
• Work-Life Balance: Hong Kong is known for its fast-paced and competitive work environment, which can make it challenging to find time for dating. In Singapore, work-life balance is also valued, but the pace of life may be slightly more relaxed compared to Hong Kong.
• More fish in the ocean in Hong Kong: Perhaps the most important reason. Larger population, easier to date around
• Party scenes: LKF, Wan Chai, TST, speakeasies in HK. Clarke quay, boat quay in Singapore. The magnitude is just different and the party DNA is a lot wilder in HK.

W Hotel Singapore - a signature party spot at night

A gross summarization of the dating scene in Singapore

In summary - dating apps, organic and Zouk. That’s a gross summarization. University is a big one where people meet their +1s. More on the dating apps later. Do people hook up? Yes. However, I’ve noticed that discussions and public displays of affection are generally not common due to conservative values.

Dating in Singapore is difficult though

In 2021’s marriage and parenthood survey data, 50% were not currently dating. 38% of those who were not currently dating had never dated before (Annex B, Chart 8). Among those not currently dating, top reasons cited were having a limited social circle (58%), not having many opportunities to meet potential partners (57%), and their preference to leave dating to chance (48%).

Other factors -

• Competitive Environment: Singapore is known for its highly competitive society, where individuals often prioritize education, career, and financial stability. As a result, people may have limited time and energy for dating, making it challenging to establish and maintain romantic relationships.
• High Cost of Living: Singapore has a relatively high cost of living, which can impact dating experiences. Planning and affording activities such as dinners, movies, or outings can be expensive, particularly for individuals on a tight budget
• Where do you have sex?: Most unmarried Singaporeans live with their parents. Unless the parents are progressive or are out of home, you’d have to find a different location to have sex. Staycations are popular here for obvious reasons
• Cultural Pressures and Expectations: Singaporean society places importance on family values and can have traditional expectations regarding relationships. This can create pressure to settle down at a certain age or follow societal norms, which can be challenging for those who prefer alternative dating styles or have unconventional preferences.
• Limited Social Circles: Singapore’s small geographic size and fast-paced lifestyle can sometimes limit opportunities for meeting new people outside of established social circles. As a result, individuals may find it more challenging to expand their social networks and encounter potential dating partners.

Societal pressures of getting married

Related to dating difficulties is the pressure to get married

Expectation 1: Timely Marriage: One prevailing societal expectation in Singapore is to get married at a “timely” age, often seen as late 20s to early 30s. Family, friends, and acquaintances may inquire about one’s marital status, placing pressure on individuals to conform to this timeline. This expectation can be rooted in traditional values and a desire to maintain stability and continuation of family lineage. We’re slowly heading away from this as Singapore society gets more progressive, but it’ll take some time.

Reality 1: Shifting Priorities: The reality is that individuals today prioritize personal growth, education, and career advancement. They may choose to delay marriage to establish financial stability or pursue personal goals. This shift challenges the traditional notion of timely marriage and emphasizes the importance of individual agency and fulfillment. Wokege.

Expectation 2: Finding a Suitable Partner Singaporean society places importance on finding a “suitable” partner, often defined by factors such as education, occupation, and socio-economic status. This expectation can create pressure to meet societal standards, leading to a perception of limited options or the fear of being judged for unconventional choices.

Reality 2: Diverse Definitions of Compatibility The reality is that compatibility cannot be reduced to a checklist of superficial criteria. Individuals today seek partners who share similar values, aspirations, and emotional compatibility. This broader perspective challenges societal expectations, allowing for more diverse and meaningful connections beyond external attributes.

Expectation 3: Marriage as a Life Milestone Marriage is often seen as a significant life milestone in Singaporean society, symbolizing adulthood, stability, and success. The pressure to attain this milestone can stem from familial and social expectations, creating a sense of urgency to conform and avoid societal judgment.

Reality 3: Multiple Pathways to Fulfillment: The reality is that marriage is not the only path to fulfillment. Many individuals prioritize personal growth, career achievements, and other life experiences. They challenge the notion that marriage is a prerequisite for happiness, focusing on individual goals and relationships beyond the traditional scope.

Impact: Emotional and Mental Well-being: The societal pressures surrounding marriage in Singapore can have a significant impact on individuals’ emotional and mental well-being. Constant inquiries, comparisons, and societal judgments can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy. It is crucial to recognize the emotional toll and foster a supportive environment that respects diverse choices.

The discourse on societal pressures of getting married in Singapore reveals the clash between expectations and the realities faced by individuals. By acknowledging the shifting priorities, diverse definitions of compatibility, and multiple pathways to fulfillment, Singaporean society can foster a more inclusive and supportive environment. Empowering individuals to make choices aligned with their own aspirations and timelines will lead to a more progressive and understanding society.

Government playing a part with the Singapore dating scene

The Singapore government recognizes the importance of social relationships and has taken various initiatives to encourage dating and foster a conducive environment for individuals to meet and form connections. Here are some ways the Singapore government promotes dating:

• Social Development Network (SDN): The Social Development Network is a government agency established to promote social interaction and marriage within Singapore. SDN organizes events and activities, such as speed dating sessions, social mixers, and relationship workshops, to provide opportunities for singles to meet and connect.
• Funding and Support for Dating Events: The government provides funding and support for organizations that organize dating events and activities. This assistance helps create a diverse range of opportunities for singles to engage in social activities, attend matchmaking events, and participate in relationship-building programs.
• Online Dating Platforms: The government encourages the use of online dating platforms by partnering with reputable dating websites. These platforms provide a convenient and accessible way for singles to connect and find potential partners. The government promotes the use of safe and secure online platforms, emphasizing the importance of personal safety and responsible online behavior.
• Housing Policies: The government’s housing policies also play a role in encouraging dating and marriage. The Housing and Development Board (HDB) offers various housing schemes and grants that incentivize young adults to settle down and form families. These policies aim to provide affordable housing options for couples and support the institution of marriage.
• Public Awareness Campaigns: The government conducts public awareness campaigns to promote dating and healthy relationships.

These campaigns focus on educating individuals about the importance of social interaction, communication skills, and building meaningful connections. They also aim to break down stereotypes and encourage individuals to be more open-minded in their dating preferences.

Do dating apps work in Singapore?

Yes and no. All the dating apps are in town so let’s break them down - Tinder - the OG of dating apps. You swipe right if you like someone and left if you’re not feeling it. It’s known for casual flings and hook-ups globally. No difference in Singapore Bumble - Ladies take the lead here. Once you match, the ladies gotta make the first move within 24 hours. Good luck to all you men Coffee Meets Bagel - They send you a limited number of matches (aka “bagels”) every day. Quality over quantity, they say. It’s for those who want something more meaningful OkCupid - all about compatibility. They’ve got this fancy algorithm that matches you based on your preferences and values. Plus, you can answer a bunch of questions to improve your match quality Paktor - Popular in Southeast Asia, including Singapore. They’ve got cool features like virtual gifting and group chats. It’s got a diverse user base and caters to different preference Happn - It’s all about those chance encounters. Happn matches you with people you’ve crossed paths with in real life. It’s perfect for those who believe in serendipity.

Remember, these apps might change over time, so it’s good to give a few a try and see which one suits your dating style and goals. I know multiple friends who met their now-wife through dating apps. It’s possible. One thing I have to call out is for both Hong Kong and Singapore, my expat friends all say they have an advantage in casual dating over the local population. Call it yellow fever or asian girls liking expat guys, but this is an existing phenomenon.

What about matchmaking? It’s a well-established practice but not the most common.

Popular date spots in Singapore

It really depends what kind of couple you are but here’s a general list of the evergreen generic ones. Personally, I’d love to check Time Out and Vogue for ‘what to do this weekend in Singapore’ as they have curated lists of events happening in town. That’s a much better approach

• Hiking at MacRitchie Reservoir: Explore the lush greenery and scenic trails around the reservoir. It’s a great way to enjoy nature together and have a peaceful and active date.
• Katong and Joo Chiat: Take a stroll through these charming neighborhoods known for their rich heritage, colorful Peranakan shophouses, and delicious local food. It’s a hidden gem for an authentic and cultural experience. East coast adventures.
• Kranji Countryside: Escape the city and visit the tranquil Kranji countryside. Explore the farms, go on a nature walk, or enjoy a cozy meal at one of the farm-to-table restaurants. It’s a unique and serene setting for a date. I love a trip to Bollywood veggies
• The Projector: Watch an indie or classic film at this independent cinema located in an old-school building. It’s a cozy and nostalgic experience that movie lovers would appreciate.
• Art Jamming or pottery at a Studio: Get creative together and unleash your artistic side at an art jamming studio. It’s a fun and interactive date where you can paint and express yourselves.
• Gardens by the Bay: Take a romantic stroll through the stunning gardens and Supertree Grove. Don’t miss the Flower Dome and Cloud Forest conservatories.
• Sentosa Island: Relax on the beautiful beaches, visit Universal Studios Singapore, or try thrilling water sports. One of my favourite places to kick it
• Singapore Botanic Gardens: Explore the lush greenery, have a picnic by the Swan Lake, or visit the National Orchid Garden.
• Shopping: Depends if you want to splurge but shopping at Ion / MBS can’t really go wrong.

Summing it up

In this fast-paced dance of love, time is precious, but commitment is held dear. Singapore’s dating scene is a whirlwind of efficiency and heartfelt connections, where couples envision a future hand-in-hand. Would I prefer dating in Hong Kong or dating in Singapore? Obviously the former. But it’s not that bad in Singapore.

What dating experiences do you have in Singapore? Comment in your thoughts. Subscribe now to see more content like this.